Acting Responsible

Mayoral Moron

2008-02-04T13:11:00.000-08:00

I am not an overly politically vocal individual. Yes, I have strong political leanings and I have been known to be an armchair political commentary, generally about Stephen Harper and his creepiness and general evilness. While not being a card carrying member of the NDP, I tend to lean left in my beliefs and vote to reflect that. In general my political interest stops at the federal and provincial level. Municipal politics doesn't interest me that much.

That however has been changed thanks to Vancouver's mayor and resident moron, Sam Sullivan. I have now made it my goal to ensure that he does NOT get re-elected to run the fair city I work in. I live in Burnaby. The Burnaby Mayor Derek Corrigan has a lovely mustache and is fairly innocuous. Go Derek Go!

Oh Sam....Sam Sam Sam.

I have in the past waxed poetically on Mayor Sullivan and Project Civil City. A momentary lapse in judgment due to expectorant. It will not happen again.

Before I continue to rant...let us recap our young mayor's bio:

1. Gave money to someone to buy drugs and smoke them in his van
2. Project Civil City-lord knows what he was thinking. Of COURSE being polite should be top priority.
3. Sullivan's Strike
4. $400,000.00 per year for a security guard for a CLOCK

And his most recently publicized brilliant idea...

No sirens on emergency vehicles at night.

WHAT?

This REALLY burns my cookies.

Mayor Sullivan appealed to Premier Gordon Campbell last year asking him to change the law regarding emergency vehicles and siren usage. Apparently the Mayor's sleep was being disrupted in his chic Yaletown condo. Effective January 31, 2008, emergency vehicle drivers around BC are encouraged to use their discretion when driving later at night.

Edited to note: City of Vancouver emergency vehicle drivers have chosen NOT to turn off their sirens...beautifully ironic...isn't it?

Um...dude...get a freaking grip. SO WHAT if you lose a few minutes of sleep because a fire truck, ambulance or police car are heading to or from an emergency. Just take a nap at work! No one will notice the difference

As it stands right now, Vancouver residents are HORRIBLE when it comes to getting out of the way of emergency vehicles. I am frequently stunned at the average driver's inability to get out of the way of flashing lights and sirens. And pedestrians are even worse!

Dear God in heaven Sammy...get your head OUT of your freaking butt and grab a clue! There are better things for you to be spending your time on than politeness and loud sirens! Why don't you check out the homeless in the Downtown Eastside Sammy? Or better yet...just trade spaces with them. Allow a few to shack up in your condo while you sleep under that cardboard box. Then maybe the sirens won't wake you up as much...

When the cat's away

2008-01-31T16:09:00.001-08:00

I work in an office with a bunch of VERY hard working creative people. We have all had extremely stressful weeks, what with crazy clients, unrealistic deadlines and impossible dreams.

Today...for whatever reason...we were a bit slow. And our two biggest practical jokers were out of the office...

Here is what happened...Needless to say...I am never going on vacation...

Talk to the hand

2008-01-31T15:39:00.000-08:00

This morning as I was crossing Burrard on my way to the office, the woman in front of me held up her hand to all cars. She didn't just casually lift her hand to say "Hey! Thanks for stopping" or even "Hey! Nice wheels!". No, she FLUNG her hand towards the cars waiting patiently for us as we crossed the road as if to say "LOOK AT MY HAND! IT IS POWERFUL AND MIGHTY, YOU ASSHOLE DRIVER!!!"

I witness this kind of behaviour frequently when navigating my car through Vancouver traffic...and I am going to be honest with you...it simply does NOT illicit the response that I think this lady is thinking it does.

It takes EVERY ounce of my restraint to NOT step on the gas and run over pedestrians that "give me the hand". Do they really think the only reason I'm not running them over is because of their hand? That I say to myself "OH! Its a hand! I guess I won't run the red light and mow down this pedestrian because of THE HAND!"?

Silly walkers. What I, and I am guessing every other driver being given "the hand" is thinking is "I really want to run you over. Desperately. Do you REALLY think I'm that dumb? Do you REALLY think you are that much better than me because you are a pedestrian? You are an idiot. I want to make you road pizza. Grrrrrrrrr."

Perhaps I have a bit of pent up rage I need to deal with...

Thumbs Up: Once

2008-01-21T16:54:00.000-08:00

I

LOVED

THIS

MOVIE!

There...got that out of the way.

The hubby and I watched Once about a month ago. We had been wanting to see it for sometime, but hadn't really gotten around to it.

That, my friends, was a mistake.

This is truly a lovely lovely movie.

Nothing explodes.

No one dies.

There is no gratuitous nudity, violence or really...anything.

It is a movie that I defy anyone...ANYONE to watch and not smile about when the movie is done.

The story is simple...

Guy meets Girl (that's actually how they're billed in the credits). Guy and Girl sing. So they sing together, find out they kind of like each other...but its complicated. So they continue to sing. Alot. But its lovely music. So its a musical, but not in that "I am so happy I am going to burst into song and do a nifty dance move" kind of musical. Its a movie about music. And good music at that.

And it rocked.

The movie is set in Dublin, so the scenery is marvy, the accents are brilliant and the scarves are snuggly. The music will engage your heart.

"Guy" is played by Glen Hansard the lead singer, guitarist and a founding member of Irish rock group The Frames. His only other acting experience comes from another wee Irish movie, The Commitments. "Girl" is played by Marketa Irglova. All the music in the film was written by the two of them. Hansard and Irglova previously released an album together called "The Swell Season."

To quote Stephen Spielberg (yup...thats right...Stephen Spielberg)
"A little movie called Once gave me enough inspiration to last the rest of the year."

And it will...really...it will...

You can take the girl off the island...

2008-01-14T20:35:00.000-08:00

I grew up on Vancouver Island in the Cowichan Valley. It was a lovely and slightly idyllic existence on a farm with goats, cats and a really smelly dog named Flashy.

There are a few ways to recognize a girl that grew up SO CLOSE to Duncan (but not Duncan itself. this is key. Its like Surrey and White Rock. Trust me on this) They include:

Her love of heavy metal. Specifically Metallica, AC/DC, The Scorpions and Megadeth
Her ability to drink anyone under the table at any time
Her ability to tell the difference between a Jersey and a Holstein (they are cows by the way)
Her big hair
Her overwhelming glee at the resurgence of shows like...

AMERICAN GLADIATORS!!!

Oh the cheese. Oh the yelling. Oh the ludicrous outfits and even more ludicrous names.

Wolf

Hellga

AND its hosted by Laila Ali and Hulk Hogan!

OH THE JOY!

All this joy go me to thinking about the old classic American Gladiators. Whatever happened to them? Malibu, Lace and Nitro...where are they now???

Well thanks to the CRACKERJACK research of my fantastic coworker I found THIS!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Happy anniversary to me

2008-01-10T13:26:00.000-08:00

A year ago (almost) I started this blog with the intention of writing more, expressing myself, doing something creative and bringing light to the world.

pause for the chorous of angels.

As of late, I have been EXTREMELY lax in my blogging. I could come up with a variety of exciting excuses...but alas, it just comes down to being VERY VERY LAZY!

yes, its sad.

But NO MORE!

I will be better now that the year has started and I am newly motivated!

I will blog about the adventures I have on BC Transit like this morning when I was hit on by a REALLY cute 21 year old med student on the bus on the way to work. Did I mention he was REALLY cute? However, I became SO distracted by the fact that I "still have it" (YAY ME) that I missed my stop and had to walk an extra 10 blocks to work in the rain.

pause as my husband falls over in hysterical laughter at what a dork his wife is.

I will blog about my love for my job. Seriously. I LOVE MY JOB!

I will blog about new exciting shows like the RETURN OF AMERICAN GLADIATORS which has me embarrassingly excited.

I will NOT blog about the fact that I am doing a cleanse again. And that I am REALLY craving cheese and I am only on day three.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I WILL blog about the fact that I am in a show! YAY ME! I am doing the Vagina Monologues at the Red Robinson Show Theatre in Coquitlam on March 1! SNAP!

I will blog about the rehearsal process of the aforementioned show including my experience with the "make your own vagina" craft project that I will be participating in this coming Sunday.

no, I did not make that up.

And SO MUCH MORE!

The spirit has moved me...and has me moving FAST baby!

A whole new world

2007-11-17T09:06:00.000-08:00

I am the goddess of transit.

I can now tell you in no uncertain terms the 7 different reliable ways that will get you from the Edmonds area in Burnaby 4th and Burrard. I can tell you which routes have the best bus drivers (the 84 UBC all the way) and what routes will have the most angry people (the 7 Powell at 5:00 pm is alarming).

I can also tell you what classes where all the med students live (Robson and Burrard), where the rude people live (near Granville Island) and the music choices of the transit travelller on which route (the 44 UBC appeals to the Christian Rock listener while the 84 UBC has a fair amount of emo).

Its a whole new adventure for me! A world of new people to watch!

HOORAY!

There are no words...

2007-11-12T19:59:00.001-08:00

thank you Evil Beet...

Fashion is not for the faint of heart...

2007-11-12T19:03:00.000-08:00

I think if I had all the time in the world...you know, didn't have to work for a living or any of that stuff, I would dabble in fashion design.

And jewelry design.

And cooking.

And light automotive repair.

Okay, I'm not so good at the focusing thing, but I WOULD love to be a fashion designer.

I remember making clothing for my Barbies when I was young. I made tiny ball gowns, accessories, costumes etc.

I made my grad dress in grade 12, much to the chagrin of my grad date as I was sewing up until 2 hours before the dance.

I love to sew, create, play with clothing and fabric, but these days, I just don't have the time or the room.

Stupid apartment living.

Lately, I have been getting my fashion fix from Project Runway Canada.

I am quite impressed by it actually. It has its own personality and the designers do some great stuff. I don't really understand why Iman is hosting...I would have thought someone like Linda Evangelista would have been a better choice, but Iman isn't too bad.

My current favourite designer on the show is Biddell.

He is a self-taught designer. From skater gear to bridal gowns, Biddell’s self-described “Street Couture” has been featured in boutiques in Calgary, Vancouver (El Kartel has carried his line), and Victoria. He describes his aesthetic as loud and clean—clothes that get noticed.

I LOVE his stuff-so fun and crazy. I am going to have to track down his stuff. Its fierce baby...fierce.

GO BIDELL GO!

ooops...

2007-11-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

My husband berated me last night for being a bad blogger.

Which is, of course, true.

I have been a HORRIBLE blogger.

I blame my job.

In the past, I blogged at work due to boredom and general job hatred.

I now love my job so much I may explode.

So I need to actually blog at home. On my own time. wow. THAT will be a challenge.

Except for today. Today I am blogging at work as there is a small lull before the sacrifice.

I am not making this up.

Today we are sacrificing a 21’’ flat screen monitor and a 1998 vintage Mac Laserwriter printer at the top of the back stairwell.

I love my job.

Blog Action Day

2007-10-15T16:37:00.000-07:00

Today is Blog Action Day!

Today thousands of bloggers around the world are blogging about the environment.

I know issues surrounding our little green planet can be contentious to say the least. I am sure many people find the concept of global warming confusing and insurmountable.

What can we do? Is there anything TO do? Is this all one colossal conspiracy to get Al Gore in office?

So today...the lights are going off and the veggies are coming out at the Acting Responsible household. We area going to work on minimum electrical power, turn down the heat and eat a low footprint meal containing organically grown local produce for dinner! YAY US!

Here are a few fabulous resources that not only help you make your OWN decision on climate change and global warming, but will help you to do YOUR part to keep our planet happy, healthy and here for a long long time...

What are YOU going to do???

We Can Live Green
A fantastic portal for all things you may need to go and live green. From cosmetics to food to travel, the folks at We Can Live Green have put together an amazing list of resources!

Greentech Media
Have some money burning a hole in your pocket that you need to invest RIGHT NOW? The folks at Greentech Media have your back!

DeSmogBlog
The folks at DeSmogBlog are aiming to clear the PR Pollution that clouds climate science. Not really sure what to believe? The pr pundits at DeSmogBlog can help you find all the information you may need on BOTH sides of the debate!!!

The Final countdown

2007-10-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

WOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!

It's the last week of work for me.

I can't stop grinning.

For the last few days, whenever people see me they say.

"Wow...you are glowing. Why do you look so happy?"

BECAUSE I AM ALMOST DONE MY JOB! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I have two days with the hated board president Mimi (yech). I am going to try to be the bigger person (although that is physically impossible. The woman is built like Refrigerator Perry and smells like llama poop). It should be interesting. They have decided not to hire anyone to replace me, which is both a compliment and insulting as it means that I am irreplaceable (yah me), AND they think that they don't need anyone to do my job (jerks).

I am trying not to care too much. I put so much into this job and I have seen so much growth and I KNOW they are going to lose all of that. I am hoping that they wake up and realize how important the relationships etch I set up are for them, but I am not holding my breath.

It alarms me how horrible they have been in fact. One would think that being the worlds smallest non profit, they would try to avoid burning bridges and try to cultivate me as a volunteer and supporter. Instead they have alienated me. It does reaffirm my thought that they all live with their heads firmly planted up their asses though...

Soon...it will all be over and I will start the new DREAM job at the new fantastic place. They have already given me my office mug and new email address:) I feel so loved...

Is it just me, or is this a redundant conversation?

2007-10-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

I had the following conversation with our building manager on Tuesday after the heinous car abuse that my wee little Protege had suffered...

Me: "Hi, I wanted to talk to you about the break in to my car."

He: "There is nothing I can do about it. Call ICBC."

Me: "Yes...I know that. I've done that already. I just thought you should know that our car got broken into. As did quite a few others."

He: "Yes, I talked to them yesterday. Its not very good. We should get cameras, but the strata won't pay for it"

Me: "I can see how that would be a problem. I also need a new access card as mine was taken from my car. Yes, i know we aren't supposed to leave them in the car, but you wouldn't give us two so we had to leave it in there as there are two of us with one car."

He: "Oh no! That's not good. Now they can get in the parking garage!"

Um...I think that may be where the problem started in the first place.

The apartment hunt has begun-west end, main street and downtown-I hear you calling me!

Thou pribbling clapper-clawed giglet!

2007-10-09T09:42:00.000-07:00

I have discovered the online Shakespearean Insult Kit.

Oh kit, where have you been all my life?

I really need it today, for some errant fen-sucking miscreants BROKE INTO MY CAR!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRR

There I was, calmly enjoying turkey, roast and a copious amount of wine, beer and Jack Daniels at the in-laws on Vancouver Island when some puny boil-brained varlet was SMASHING MY DRIVERS SIDE WINDOW. IN MY SECURE UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE!!!! And they stole NOTHING! NOTHING!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

A pox on their houses.

This week is not starting off well...not starting off well at all.

I need to laugh.

Perhaps THIS will do...

Ahhhhhhhhh

Thank you Pete and Brian...thank you...

Quick health question

2007-10-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

Is trail mix, or "gorp" as the true geeks used to call it when I was in Girl Guides, still considered a healthy snack alternative to a bag of Lay's Sour Cream and Onion Ripple Chips if you eat a pound of it in one sitting?

Probably not huh?

Crap.

Funny fornication?

2007-10-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

In the process of looking for inspiration for my next writing project, I asked my husband what HE thought I should be scribbling about.

"Something humourous. There aren't that many female comedic writers-why don't you try to write something funny that ISN'T about shopping or diaries or turning 30. Just make sure its not about me. Because that's NOT funny. At all. Its especially not funny when you make fun of my accent. You are going to make fun of my accent aren't you. You suck."

French Canadian accents are fun. Go on-head out and ask a French Canadian to say "intersection", "drawer" or anything with a "th" in it. In fact, if you can get them to say "Who put that chest of drawers in the intersection", you'll be laughing for hours. Comedy FODDER!

But I digress.

So, I got on the trusty computer and started exploring that wacky world wide web for possible outlets for my acerbic, yet heartfelt wit. Something that will inspire my fingers to fly about the keyboard that isn't about my wacky neighbours or the drunks at the New West skytrain station.

And I discovered that apparently, there is a need for...wait for it...

Comedic erotica.

There are publishers out there looking for comedic erotica.

More than one publisher.

I can't even BEGIN to fathom what I would write...

Clowns having sex?

A description of me losing my virginity? (MOM! STOP READING THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!) 1989-the bathroom floor...hitting my head on the toilet and burning my leg on the heater. A regular laugh fest. Nope-I am pretty sure that's not what they are looking for. And I would potentially die of embarrassment in the process of writing it (who has sex on the bathroom floor for their first time? WHO?)

In fact, ANY story about experiences with my first few boyfriends (MOM! I WARNED YOU!). Those were all laugh riots, let me tell you. Phones were answered, closet doors fell on my head, clothing was put on backwards just before my dad walked in the room.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Honestly, its amazing I ever had sex again... (MOM! GO AWAY!)

Somehow, I JUST don't think that is what they mean...

Miss Manner's guide to dressing appropriately: Chapter 1

2007-10-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

An open letter to the man living somewhere on the third floor in my apartment building.

Dear sir,

You seem to be a very nice man. We have chatted several times in the elevator and while walking up the stairs. You are very polite, always hold the door open for me, and have intelligent things to say. I have suspicions that you are a member of the Russian Mafia as you drive a Mercedes Compressor AND an M Class SUV and live in a small somewhat nasty apartment building in Burnaby. You also have a ludicrous hair weave that nobody thinks is real. Nobody.

Now sir, I am not a fashion dictator. I understand that sometimes, one needs to wander downstairs to throw out the garbage in ones pyjamas. What Not To Wear isn't ALWAYS filming with hidden cameras and sometimes, you just need to be comfortable.

However sir, there is a limit to comfort.

Imagine my surprise when I got on to the elevator this morning and discovered you in your housecoat and aqua sox. AQUA SOX! HOUSECOAT! WHAT?

I was willing to let that slide and give you the benefit of the doubt. I was assuming you were heading to the garbage or recycling-there was no garbage evident, but maybe you were looking for something. However, when you turned toward the cars as I was and headed to your SUV I began to doubt that you were looking for your lost keys in amidst the detritus of our wee building. Perhaps you had just forgotten something in your car?

No... no...you had not.

You LEAPED into your car (and in the process revealed that you were not, in fact, wearing anything under your housecoat...AAAAAAAAAAAAA), turned it on, and DROVE AWAY! IN YOUR HOUSECOAT AND AQUA SOX! AND WEARING NOTHING UNDER YOUR HOUSECOAT! AAAAAAAA!

I didn't need to see that sir. I didn't need to see your wedding tackle. Your crown jewels. Your frank and beans. Any of it. It may have scarred me. It was a totally unexpected display of nudity and honestly sir...it wasn't...well...some people just shouldn't be nude. We'll just leave it at that.

I am concerned sir. It concerns me that you seem to think its okay to wander the streets in your housecoat. With no pants. Or underpants. In fact, wearing NOTHING resembling pants. It is not okay. It is not okay at all. You are not Nick Nolte. It wasn't okay for him either.

How hard is it to put on pants and a shirt? And appropriate footwear? Honestly, its not that difficult. I do it every day and I am NOT a morning person! I can barely even see when I leave the house, yet I am still DRESSED! I am not even asking for coordination-just common decency.

And pants.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PUT ON SOME PANTS!

Signed,

The now slightly scarred blonde from the second floor.

Forced Creativity

2007-10-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend, as I was getting more and more angry at the thought that I had to come to work on Monday to the evil job from hell because my bosses have become giant flaming assholes of evil that I want to stab several times and spit in the gaping wounds, I thought to myself that perhaps I need to put more energy into the creative side of myself in order to release some of that pent up energy. And anger. Crap loads of anger.

I always used to think of myself as a creative soul. I headed off to theatre school with my handmade sweaters, sketch book and journal ready to take on the world one creative act at a time. But as of late, I find I define myself less as a creative soul and more as...well...just me. I don't think its a BAD thing-I find people are WAY TOO hampered by their definitions of themselves. My coworker has decided that she is a warm person and very empathetic, and because I am not like her, I am by extension NOT warm OR empathetic (which is of course horse poop. I am warm and empathetic. I just don't cry at the drop of a hat. Maybe at the drop of a REALLY nice pair of shoes, but certainly not a hat).

I think however I need to work on fostering that creative side more-whatever that may be. I am losing myself in my work and in reality television, and that's just not right. The problem is it takes work, and I am REALLY BAD at motivating myself. I LOVE motivating other people (you there! Lunchy! GET PUBLISHING! The Georgia Straight is ONLY the beginning!).

There is also the problem of DEFINING creativity. Many people think of creativity of being artistic in nature, but that isn't necessarily true. In one of my past jobs, I worked at a biotechnology company, and let me tell you, those scientists were pretty darned creative. No only with what they wore (seriously-the whole "scientists are badly dressed geeks" thing is pretty well spot on. Yes, some were quite fashionable, but some...well...lets just say REALLY tiny jean shorts on a 45 year old Russian engineer and leave it at that). So if I am creative in the WAY that I work, does that suffice? No...not so much.

And then there is the problem that I have the ability to focus on one task of a hyperactive 3 year old. Sure, its all well and good for me to sit down and write that one woman show in which I showcase by BRILLIANT comedic skills, mad tap dancing chops and singing voice of an angel, but guaranteed I will be distracted by a shiny thing. Or Beauty and the Geek. Or breathing.

Sigh...WAY to deep for a Monday morning. I should be busy drinking coffee and catching up on all the Hollywood gossip that I missed out on over the weekend.
Like Pamela Anderson's impending wedding. To Rick Solomon, the star of Paris Hilton's sex tape. Oh Pam, Pam, Pam. I love you, your fantastically fake breasts, your commitment to your causes, and the fact that you KNOW you are a cheesy, fake blonde bimbo (AND proud Canadian), but sweetie..you have GOT to start marrying a better class of men.

And that, dear reader, is Monday's set of random ramblings. Tune in later for my observations on people napping ON MY CAR at 3 in the afternoon on a Friday. Seriously...it really happened...

Robosaurus

2007-09-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Dr. Alan Grant: I don't know.
Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus.
Dr. Alan Grant: Ha ha. Good one.
Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?
Dr. Alan Grant: You got me.
Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus Rex

There are times when I get up in the morning and I think to myself that really, things couldn't get any stupider.

I mean, lets be real. There is some stupid shit going on out there, and there has been for awhile. Dane Cook for one (I know, I keep going on about Dane Cook but I JUST DON'T GET IT! The man is simply not funny or even marginally talented. His mere existence could be proof that there is a Supreme Evil Being and that Dane is one of his unfunny minions that is trying to create hell on earth. I'm just saying...). Britney Spears and our INCESSANT fascination with her crash into oblivion (also note-Rihanna has come out in the press defending her. Maybe she should protect poor Brit with her umbrella). Crocs. The cancellation of Arrested Development. Operation Return on Success.

However, its has been a long time since I have been truly STUNNED by anything. Nothing really surprises me anymore.

Until now...

Stanley Park, where robot dinos roam?

Okay...that has to be a lie. It's in the Province newspaper-Vancouver's answer to the National Enquirer. It has to be wrong. Maybe I'll look elsewhere...

Stanley Park considers 'Jurassic Park'-like exhibit

All right, CTV is saying the same thing. But maybe they are just jumping on the sensationalist bandwagon. I mean who would believe that they would consider putting robot dinosaurs in Stanley Park...how about the Globe and Mail?

'Dinosaur experience' could give Vancouver its own Jurassic Park

Dear lord.

Someone has let the lunatics out of the asylum and they are RUNNING AMOK IN STANLEY PARK!

The Vancouver Parks Board is requesting proposals from "experienced proponents" (HUH?)to install 25 to 30 life-sized animatronic dinosaurs and related educational exhibits near the miniature 1.5-kilometre railway. So in other words, they want robot dinosaurs to freak the SHIT out of the kids on the miniature railway.

Robot dinosaurs.

In Stanley Park.

ROBOT DINOSAURS IN STANLEY PARK!!!!!

I am at a total loss. I am simply stunned into...well...not speechlessness, but certainly mild incoherence.

ROBOT FREAKING DINOSAURS!!!!!!

Am I alone in this? Am I the only person who thinks that this is an amazingly bad idea? We have the WORLD coming here for the 2010 Olympics-that's already enough pressure. Do we REALLY want them to come here and say...

"Wow...cool Olympics. Vancouver really IS a World Class...wait...is that a Robot Dinosaur?"

Miss Manner's Guide to Tranist Chapter 3

2007-09-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

A letter to the beer drinking troglodyte on the 5:35 pm skytrain on September 26, 2007. (The teenage girls got away with being obnoxious this time because this guy was SIMPLY UNBELIEVABLE! But be warned girls-I am on this train for 3 more weeks and I will be watching you)
Dear sir,

I appreciate that the New Westminster Skytrain station is connected to a bar called Scruffy McGuire's (no, I am not making this up. I wish I was). I appreciate that sometimes after a hard day of...well...whatever it is you do, you sometimes need a beer to wash the cares away. I will be honest with you sir. As of late, as the end of my hated job approaches and my employers mutate further into assholeness, I have been known to have a snort of rum with my diet coke. I am not above that in the slightest. Sometimes it just needs to be done.

I do, however, understand that there are certain things that are not done in public due to COMMON DECENCY. Like belching SO LOUDLY that your fellow commuters think there is an earthquake or the construction site next door is collapsing.

Note: At this point my husband is yelling and pointing at the computer because I once inadvertently burped loudly when we were in a store and blamed him. It only happened once though. And it was in Gibson's Landing, home of the Beachcombers so how bad could it be. And it wasn't THAT loud. But I digress.

Now sir, if you ARE going to belch that loudly, you must do two things:

Say excuse me FOR GOD'S SAKE! Were you born in a BARN?
When a blonde girl wearing a FIERCE white leather jacket with great new hair (I got a new haircut that I LOVE LOVE LOVE! Victor-you are a genius) looks your way inquisitively, DON'T yell at her and say "What the fuck are YOU looking at bitch". You KNOW what she is looking at. SHE IS LOOKING AT YOUR UGLY BELCHING FACE!!!!

Sorry about that...that was a bit violent.

Now sir, one belch could be almost forgivable. Even if it was the loudest thing ever. In the history of belching. And believe me, I have heard some loud ones. I play football. I know of what I speak.

However, if you follow that belch up with one that is EVEN LOUDER and LONGER than EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE, you MUST expect a reaction from your fellow commuters.

Like the little old lady that shrieked and ran toward me. In a panic. I don't know what she thought I was going to do to protect her from the angry gas man, but I was ready.

And if you RESPOND to that reaction by CHASING HER and belching AGAIN, you must expect people to respond negatively. Like moving away from you rapidly and contacting the skytrain police. (Who of course never got there because they were rousting tourists who didn't pay enough train fare. Because cheap tourists are a scourge...as opposed to angry gassy psychopaths. Come on people...get your priorities straight.)

AND THEN when the train arrives, and you BELCH on to your train car of choice, do not be surprised when your fellow commuters flee out of the train.

AND FINALLY...please do not be encouraged by the reaction you got from the one, fellow beer drinking commuter on your train. Which was...of course...

"Dude! That was AWESOME!"

Sigh...

Signed,

Blonde in fierce white leather jacket on behalf of...well...the world

There is a part of me that is going to miss these daily interactions with my fellow commuters as I will be working near Granville Island as opposed to near the dead pigeon on the corner (I am not making this up-a pigeon expired as I was walking by it a few weeks ago. It fell over and blood oozed out of its head. I cannot get out of here fast enough).

The part of me that will miss these interactions is very small however. Very very small.

RIP pigeon-we hardly knew you.

I QUIT!

2007-09-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today I quit my job.

Wow.

I got the "really super cool job".

Wow.

The next few weeks are going to kill me as I frantically clean up from this job AND start getting up to speed on the next job.

Wow.

I am NEVER AGAIN going to have do deal with the GIANT FLAMING COW that is my present boss.

WOW!

I am INSANELY excited. I am about to go to work at THE COOLEST PLACE ON EARTH!

They have a boccie team and an office dog.

I am going to be working in a hyper creative atmosphere with loft ceilings and proximity to fabulous restaurants and ease of transit.

They think I rock.

I am FREAKING OUT!!!!!

Wow.

A-List-Defective Yeti

2007-09-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite bloggers is Defective Yeti. This blog is penned by Matthew Baldwin, a brilliantly erudite writer from Seattle, Washington with a fabulously biting sense of humour.

His posts range from random poetry, to photoshopped sillies, to posts on his autistic son "The Squiggle".

His blog post from a few days ago doesn't even come close to showing his writing chops, but I appreciated the title and the content. Its a regular "series" by him...well regular in that he has done the "Bad Review Revue" a few times...but nothing you can set your clock by.

I give you...Defective Yeti! Explore him...read him...send him treats (well, I don't know about the treats..I know I like treats, but he may not feel the same way. Just send me treats then)

The Bad Review Revue

I am so ashamed

2007-09-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have an embarassing admission to make...

I LOVE America's Next Top Model.

Its like TV Crack-I know its bad for me, but really, I just can't get enough.

There's the drama, the anorexia, Tyra Banks, Tyra's ludicrous weave (its kind of blonde this time...LOVE IT!), Tyra's PHENOMENAL booty (seriously, she is as annoying as crap, but at least the girl has some curves), Miss J, Mr J and of course the EXTRAORDINARILY sexually ambiguous (yes I know he's married...but i am still suspicious) and FIERCELY hot Nigel Barker. Rrowr.

This year promises to be MAGICAL!

Some of the models are quite dull. I am assuming they will be told by Tyra "you will no longer be in the running to be America's Next Top model and lose out on the fantastic prizes from our sponsors who I will mention over and over and over again." SOME of these models however are CRAZY IN A BOX! LOVE IT!

We have...

Ebony
Raised by a Crack Whore (seriously, her words, not mine), she is already hated by everyone. Arrogant as hell, and I honestly don't see why, this one will be responsible for a majority of the fireworks.

Heather
Heather has Asperger's Syndrome. Asperger's is one of several Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) characterized by difficulties in social communication and social skills, and in restricted and stereotyped interests and activities.

Now, what I am about to say is going to sound evil and bitchy. But really....how does Asperger's make her ANY different from the regular starlet/model. Bad social skills, restricted interests and a wee bit wacky. ANTM DOES have a reputation to uphold-they MUST have someone with some kind of "special needs" on ever episode.

Dyslexia
Lupus
Plus Size Model

And now....Asperger's.

Heather made a speech that she was there representing the underdog-the kid that got picked on in class, the one's hiding in the corner.

Riiight....the ones in the corner that are tall skinny and pretty...THOSE ONES? WHICH CORNER IS SHE LOOKING AT???

Bianca

Another fabulous girl from the hood. She has already called out Ebony and her $500.00 weave (Bianca's weave cost only $25.00. GO BIANCA GO). Bianca is one of the few girls on this cycle that I actually think is quite stunning! She has some FIERCE attitude and I am predicting a full on hair pulling cat fight with Ebony! SWEET!

Sarah
The token plus sized model.

Yup...thats right.

PLUS SIZED!

I freaking hate that. She's the only normal looking one and she is FREAKING PLUS SIZED!

Gorgeous though...but a bit bland. I don't think she is going to last.

There were a few criers of course, and next week looks like it is going to be fireworks already. I am already trying to figure out who they are going to shave bald for the make over episode.

OH WHAT FUN!

I am not going to make a call on the winner until after the makeover episode-its easier to see who they are favouring after that episode.

God I love this show.

I am so ashamed...

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2007-09-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

My pirate name is:

Black Bess Flint

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Avast me hearties! It's international talk like a pirate day! Today is the day to search for booty and swash your buckles!

In honour of pirate day, i give you the top 10 pirate pick up lines for both boy and girl pirates...maybe this will help you find some booty. ha ha.

Boy Pirates...

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for Boy Pirates is …

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Girl Pirates...

10. What are YOU doing here?

9. Is that a belayin' pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is never completed)

8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"

6. That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!"

4. I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!

3. C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!

2. RAMMING SPEED!

...and the number one pick up line for Girl Pirates

1. You. Pants Off. Now!

Good luck with your booty

Captain Sunshine

2007-09-14T15:07:00.000-07:00

There are times when I am down, when I feel that nothing will take me out of the deep blue funk that I am in.

Lately, most of those times have been while I am at work (Seriously. My boss is a giant cow. I actually call her something else that begins with a c usually, but i don't want to offend virgin eyes). My office atmosphere is quite relaxed, so I play a lot of music while I work. NOTHING, but NOTHING brings me out of my funk better than...
NEIL DIAMOND!!!!!

I love Neil Diamond. I really do.

He is a crazy, glitter encrusted performing dynamo. I would LOVE to see him in concert. Sadly Nearly Neil is the best I have been able to get-and he's pretty darn good-but hell...he's no Neil...he's NEARLY Neil.

I just pop on a bit of "Hot August Night" or The Jazz Singer or even the good old Greatest Hits, and I am GOLDEN!

Neils newish album 12 Songs is a bit of a departure from good old "Song Song Blue" and "Forever in Blue Jeans", but I have really been enjoying it lately. It doesn't drive me out of my funk like his some of other albums as it is much more intimate and pared down, although the song Delirious Love is one of my favourite songs in YEARS. Basically just him and his guitar. Fantastic!

As a shout out to Hot Lunch and High Fidelity (one of my favourite books and movies) I am going to do a Neil Diamond list. Its my "top five get sasskitty out of her crappy mood using the magic of Neil's songs" list.

5. Delirious Love

4. Brother Love's Travelling Salvation Show

3. Sweet Caroline (seriously...who doesn't love this song? BAH BAH BAH)

2. Forever in Blue Jeans

1. Holly Holy

Rock on Neil! Keep them sparkly shirts coming!!!