Riddled with self doubt...

This past weekend I was called upon to reprise my role of "Connie Mocogni the pregnant kiss monster maid of honour" in Tony and Tina's Wedding. Its always interesting for me to go in and do the show as one of the "classic" players. I was first in Tony and Tina's over 10 years ago and they have gone through over 450 actors since the show started-some of them good, a lot of them...well...not so good. Bad even.

The show has changed a fair amount since I first joined. When I started, the cast was comprised of improv actors, classically trained thespians and professional hams. There wasn't anything subtle about the show. It was loud, crazy and ridiculous. I would finish the show exhausted but energized as I knew the audience had been entertained to their max.

Present day TnT has a lot of film actors. They are quiet, reserved and focused on being "natural". They are also children. Babies. Barely out of puberty. I walk into the show as a celebrity-a legend-the "original Connie". FAB for the ego, let me tell you. However, I am old. Oh so old.

I had a lot of fun doing the show. The actor who played my boyfriend in the show was 20. TWENTY! I was a cougar.

And old. have I mentioned old?

In no other industry is 34.9 (a matter of DAYS away from 35) considered SO OLD.

It made me think. When is too old to continue pursuing this wacky acting thing? I have been feeling old for a while. Do I give up now that I am no longer an ingenue? Am I deluding myself as I am "past my prime"? Or do I say FUCK IT and just go for it?

Its different for men...sad but true. I am sneaking into "young mom" age-also known as the age of death. I was never really the cute young thing-too tall, to curvy, too snarky. Perpetually have I been the best friend, the nurse and the maid. Or all three.

Much self reflecting happening. I will either be kicked in the ass and inspired by this, or will decide to become an accountant.

we shall see...