Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Evil Beet and American Idol

One of my new favourite blogs is "The Evil Beet". This is for many reasons.

1. They are called the Evil Beet. I like beets, but I love this name even more!
2. Brilliant, and I do mean brilliant American Idol recaps.
3. Today's post has Gerald Butler in nothing but swim trunks. Praise the lord for hot men like Gerard Butler and Daniel Craig in swim trunks.

Let us pause to consider that...


Now...back to the program...

I have a small and embarrassing addiction to some reality shows. Like American Idol, America's Next Top Model (last night was the makeover show! YAY!), Project Catwalk, Project Runway and I am flirting with the Next PussyCat Doll one because it is SO insane!

But back to the Idol.

First off, the Ford Videos...WHAT? Float on by Modest Mouse? I haven't stopped sputtering since then. The fiance thought I was choking on my quesadilla when it came on. This is one of my FAVOURITE songs! WHY MUST IT BE SUNG BY AMERICAN IDOL CONTESTANTS? And the video itself? Oh my...well...I just can't . Lets just say upsetting afros and leave it at that.

Here is the original video to Float On...that should undo some of the damage.

In addition to the Ford Videos and their heinousness, there is always someone on that show that stays for way too long that makes me want to beat the TV into a bloody pulp.

This year, that person would be Sanjaya Malakar.

I want to slap him silly.

He's just awful. He has the personality of tofu. And he is a CHILD! Send him home! Stop letting horny 12 year old girls vote! Stop the madness!

It is because of him that my early favourite Sundance was kicked off (okay, I liked him because he was huge and named Sundance. He could sing too, but HELLO! SUNDANCE? How fun is THAT!).

This week, poor Brandon, who could actually SING got the boot.

This means another week of listening to this insipid child whine his songs.

Here is what "the Beet" has to say about him...
Oh good, Sanjaya. Man, I just plain old hate him. I’m sorry. Why is he still here? Diana Ross hates him too, and that makes me happy. You can tell she’s kind of like “Why am I spending my time with this talentless hack?” Sanjaya hits the stage and — OH MY GOD HIS HAIR IS IN RINGLETS!!! HE LOOKS LIKE CURLY SUE!! — proceeds to whisper the words to “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” with about the same amount of enthusiasm I tend to dedicate to urination. WHY IS THIS KID STILL HERE? OMG I hate him. Randy’s laughing it sucked so hard. He can’t stop laughing. Paula then explodes into a series of words I recognize as belonging to the category of “English,” but beyond that I can’t make heads or tails of them. Okay, so Simon’s like “When you hear a wail in Beverly Hills, that is where Diana Ross is watching this show,” and everyone is completely and utterly confused because they think he said “whale” instead of “wail” and it takes them a long time to sort it out, but eventually they start booing, because Sanjaya has curly hair and so they love him. Ultimately, 17-year-old Sanjaya has completely failed Homonyms 101, because Simon has to explain that he meant Diana Ross will “scream,” because one of the producers whispered into his ear piece that Americans don’t have anything bordering on an acceptable public education system. Then, because what if the horse isn’t dead yet?, Ryan talks about the “marine biology” whale versus the one Simon was talking about. Key takeaway: Diana Ross, no one is calling you a whale.

I really shouldn't care, but for me, what it comes down to is that EVENTUALLY I will hear the single of the person who wins on the radio. I would like that single to at least be okay enough that I don't have a seizure before I change the song. Carrie Underwood makes me twitch (Jesus PLEASE give her back the wheel. I know a Canadian wrote this song. It doesn't make it right). Ruben is a GIANT goober, Fantastia has become non existent and don't even get me STARTED about Clay. Taylor had good potential, but is spiralling into the depths of Adult Easy Listening Hell and the term Soul Patrol needs to be STRIPPED from the English vernacular. Kelly Clarkson is doing alright for herself though-go Kelly go! (on a side note, who the HELL does their websites. Hard to say which was worse...I may have to go with Ruben's. Anyhow, they need to be stopped too.)

I may need a life...


hot-lunch said...

No No. Sanjaya must Win. HE simply MUST. There are no ifs ands or buts about it.

matty said...

Ok, now --- see Gerard B is so hot there and his Men's Health Journal spread --- but he was too inflated in the 300 movie for me.

...I'm so very critical of my movie stars, you know.

Unless they are Barbra. Then they have free-reign.

I would very much like to see this show I've heard of called Wife Swap. It sounds fun. ...and classy!

kisses from GayTown,

sasskitty said...

Oh the Men's Health Journal spread! WOWZA!
I have bought the fiance a subscription to mens health to help him with his fitness goals...ha ha. Really I bought it for amazing spreads like THAT!

ha ha!

Wife Swap...oh my...I haven't delved into that one...

culturalcruise said...

Ummmmm....ya you need a about some adult programming into your evenings instead of reality TV show-drivel...a movie, heck - even a or drinks with adult education class - ANYTHING BUT IDOL!!! Waste of f*&^ing time!!!!!!!!!!!!

However full approval on the Gerald and the Craig (who I have also profiled) THIS IS SPARRRRTTTAAA!!!!

Mo said...

Insult or Compliment? -- "Sanjaya Makes Me Cry" --
Either way the t-shirt is funny.