Saturday, February 6, 2010

It all comes down to the poo


One of the reasons I have been reticent to start blogging again is my fear of becoming one of those MOMS.  You know the type.  The woman who blogs-and if you meet her on the street, talks- incessantly about the adventures and hardships of being a mom, the trials and tribulations of parenthood and the cute things that her kids say and do. And thats it.  No current events, no pop culture, nothing but her kid.

And, of course, their poo.

Now don't get me wrong.  There are PLENTY of women out there who are moms who write, and talk,  about motherhood and their kids in a new and inspiring way.  But they also write, and talk, about other things and don't define themselves solely as a capital M Mom.  Sure, they are moms, but they are also writers, actors, businesswomen, wives, partners, creators, lawyers, entrepreneurs and generally nifty people.

Who rarely talk about poo.

I guess for me, the level of obsessive mommyness directly correlates to the amount of poo one refers to in a conversation.

And lately, I have become one of those moms.

The poo moms.

ALL I think, breathe and talk about seems to be my son.

And his poo.

How much, when, colour, frequency, size, smell and above all, staining power.

Who am I?  When did this happen?

I used to be an exciting and dynamic woman who was intelligent and witty and could converse on any subject at the drop of a hat!

Now, I catch myself talking to people I have just met about poo.

This has to stop.  My husband is starting to stare at me like I am an alien. My friends avoid me.  And my son is starting to hide his diapers.  And he is only 5.5 months old.

I guess, dear reader, what this posting is telling you is that from henceforth, I resolve to never, ever, EVER, talk about my son's poo.

Unless of course, you really want me to.  Or its really interesting.

Which reminds me of this funny thing that happened the other day after he finished his mashed bananas...

Friday, February 5, 2010

Everything old is new again

It has been almost 2 years since I last blogged. So why start again? My many changes in life (married, new giant 5 month old baby, not being at work), have made me realize that I miss my wee creative outlets. Like this one. Yes, much of what I have written in the past is no longer current or relevant, but some of it is screamingly funny and astute if I do say so myself. Perhaps I am beating a dead horse resurrecting this old thing. Perhaps I should start anew. But for now...this is it.

As I said to a very clever girlfriend yesterday, the birth of my baby has made me realize how much better things are in life if I make an effort to do things that make me truly happy. Like writing. Or eating cheese. Or tickling my son's tummy. It may mean that colossal life changes are afoot for me. What do I do with my life? How do I maximize the time with my son and my husband while still being the best me I can be? How do I do this while making money so that I can enjoy time with said son and husband and still eat? How do I do this while making ENOUGH money so that I can enjoy time with said husband and son and buy these boots?


Time will tell I suppose. For now, I guess I just continue Acting Responsible.

oh i am so clever.


Monday, February 4, 2008

Mayoral Moron

I am not an overly politically vocal individual. Yes, I have strong political leanings and I have been known to be an armchair political commentary, generally about Stephen Harper and his creepiness and general evilness. While not being a card carrying member of the NDP, I tend to lean left in my beliefs and vote to reflect that. In general my political interest stops at the federal and provincial level. Municipal politics doesn't interest me that much.

That however has been changed thanks to Vancouver's mayor and resident moron, Sam Sullivan. I have now made it my goal to ensure that he does NOT get re-elected to run the fair city I work in. I live in Burnaby. The Burnaby Mayor Derek Corrigan has a lovely mustache and is fairly innocuous. Go Derek Go!

Oh Sam....Sam Sam Sam.

I have in the past waxed poetically on Mayor Sullivan and Project Civil City. A momentary lapse in judgment due to expectorant. It will not happen again.

Before I continue to rant...let us recap our young mayor's bio:

1. Gave money to someone to buy drugs and smoke them in his van
2. Project Civil City-lord knows what he was thinking. Of COURSE being polite should be top priority.
3. Sullivan's Strike
4. $400,000.00 per year for a security guard for a CLOCK

And his most recently publicized brilliant idea...

No sirens on emergency vehicles at night.

WHAT?

This REALLY burns my cookies.

Mayor Sullivan appealed to Premier Gordon Campbell last year asking him to change the law regarding emergency vehicles and siren usage. Apparently the Mayor's sleep was being disrupted in his chic Yaletown condo. Effective January 31, 2008, emergency vehicle drivers around BC are encouraged to use their discretion when driving later at night.

Edited to note: City of Vancouver emergency vehicle drivers have chosen NOT to turn off their sirens...beautifully ironic...isn't it?

Um...dude...get a freaking grip. SO WHAT if you lose a few minutes of sleep because a fire truck, ambulance or police car are heading to or from an emergency. Just take a nap at work! No one will notice the difference

As it stands right now, Vancouver residents are HORRIBLE when it comes to getting out of the way of emergency vehicles. I am frequently stunned at the average driver's inability to get out of the way of flashing lights and sirens. And pedestrians are even worse!

Dear God in heaven Sammy...get your head OUT of your freaking butt and grab a clue! There are better things for you to be spending your time on than politeness and loud sirens! Why don't you check out the homeless in the Downtown Eastside Sammy? Or better yet...just trade spaces with them. Allow a few to shack up in your condo while you sleep under that cardboard box. Then maybe the sirens won't wake you up as much...

Thursday, January 31, 2008

When the cat's away

I work in an office with a bunch of VERY hard working creative people. We have all had extremely stressful weeks, what with crazy clients, unrealistic deadlines and impossible dreams.

Today...for whatever reason...we were a bit slow. And our two biggest practical jokers were out of the office...

Here is what happened...Needless to say...I am never going on vacation...

Talk to the hand

This morning as I was crossing Burrard on my way to the office, the woman in front of me held up her hand to all cars. She didn't just casually lift her hand to say "Hey! Thanks for stopping" or even "Hey! Nice wheels!". No, she FLUNG her hand towards the cars waiting patiently for us as we crossed the road as if to say "LOOK AT MY HAND! IT IS POWERFUL AND MIGHTY, YOU ASSHOLE DRIVER!!!"

I witness this kind of behaviour frequently when navigating my car through Vancouver traffic...and I am going to be honest with you...it simply does NOT illicit the response that I think this lady is thinking it does.

It takes EVERY ounce of my restraint to NOT step on the gas and run over pedestrians that "give me the hand". Do they really think the only reason I'm not running them over is because of their hand? That I say to myself "OH! Its a hand! I guess I won't run the red light and mow down this pedestrian because of THE HAND!"?

Silly walkers. What I, and I am guessing every other driver being given "the hand" is thinking is "I really want to run you over. Desperately. Do you REALLY think I'm that dumb? Do you REALLY think you are that much better than me because you are a pedestrian? You are an idiot. I want to make you road pizza. Grrrrrrrrr."

Perhaps I have a bit of pent up rage I need to deal with...

Monday, January 21, 2008

Thumbs Up: Once

I

LOVED

THIS

MOVIE!

There...got that out of the way.

The hubby and I watched Once about a month ago. We had been wanting to see it for sometime, but hadn't really gotten around to it.

That, my friends, was a mistake.

This is truly a lovely lovely movie.

Nothing explodes.

No one dies.

There is no gratuitous nudity, violence or really...anything.

It is a movie that I defy anyone...ANYONE to watch and not smile about when the movie is done.

The story is simple...

Guy meets Girl (that's actually how they're billed in the credits). Guy and Girl sing. So they sing together, find out they kind of like each other...but its complicated. So they continue to sing. Alot. But its lovely music. So its a musical, but not in that "I am so happy I am going to burst into song and do a nifty dance move" kind of musical. Its a movie about music. And good music at that.

And it rocked.

The movie is set in Dublin, so the scenery is marvy, the accents are brilliant and the scarves are snuggly. The music will engage your heart.

"Guy" is played by Glen Hansard the lead singer, guitarist and a founding member of Irish rock group The Frames. His only other acting experience comes from another wee Irish movie, The Commitments. "Girl" is played by Marketa Irglova. All the music in the film was written by the two of them. Hansard and Irglova previously released an album together called "The Swell Season."



To quote Stephen Spielberg (yup...thats right...Stephen Spielberg)
"A little movie called Once gave me enough inspiration to last the rest of the year."

And it will...really...it will...

Monday, January 14, 2008

You can take the girl off the island...

I grew up on Vancouver Island in the Cowichan Valley. It was a lovely and slightly idyllic existence on a farm with goats, cats and a really smelly dog named Flashy.

There are a few ways to recognize a girl that grew up SO CLOSE to Duncan (but not Duncan itself. this is key. Its like Surrey and White Rock. Trust me on this) They include:
  1. Her love of heavy metal. Specifically Metallica, AC/DC, The Scorpions and Megadeth
  2. Her ability to drink anyone under the table at any time
  3. Her ability to tell the difference between a Jersey and a Holstein (they are cows by the way)
  4. Her big hair
  5. Her overwhelming glee at the resurgence of shows like...
AMERICAN GLADIATORS!!!

Oh the cheese. Oh the yelling. Oh the ludicrous outfits and even more ludicrous names.



AND its hosted by Laila Ali and Hulk Hogan!

OH THE JOY!

All this joy go me to thinking about the old classic American Gladiators. Whatever happened to them? Malibu, Lace and Nitro...where are they now???

Well thanks to the CRACKERJACK research of my fantastic coworker I found THIS!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!