Thursday, September 13, 2007

Here comes the BOOM!

I went to see Shoot em Up last night with my football coach and Mini girl.

Holy doodle.

I give you a smattering of the play by play that occurred in my head during the movie...


Bloody Hell

Did he just...WITH A CARROT...OW!

HOLY CRAP Clive Owen is HOT!!!!


What the...

AGAIN with the carrot? Who KNEW carrots were that deadly!

(note on above picture. Yes...that is a carrot in Clive Owen's hand. It is AMAZING what that man can do with a carrot. And I SO DO NOT mean it in that way!!!)
This movie is SO John Woo meets Quentin Tarantino meets Looney Tunes.

To quote my coach "This movie was excessive. But with extra x's. It was XXessive!"

It was definitely XXessive.

This movie took the action genre to a whole new level. They went too far..and kept on going. And because they kept on going, it made it fun and truly enjoyable. The body count was INSANE, the premise was just downright ludicrous, guns were blazing EVERYWHERE, the bad guy was BAD (Paul Giamatti is BRILLIANTLY evil...EEEVIL), the sex was HOT and the movie didn't stop.

And seriously. Is anyone cooler than Clive Owen? there isn't. And SERIOUSLY! He is so FREAKING HOT! But I digress....rrrowr....

DO NOT go to this movie looking for a plot. There is no real plot. The plot makes no sense. I swear Michael Davis was on acid when he came up with this movie....i can imagine the pitch session to the producers...
"Okay, so there is this hero. Mr. Smith. The movie opens up with him delivering a baby during a gun fight. Then it follows Smith-who is TOTALLY the angriest man alive- through the city protecting the baby from some really bad guys, but he shoots them all. Lots. And he kills a couple of guys with a carrot. In fact, he eats lots of carrots- he's kind of like Bugs Bunny-in fact, we are going to have some veiled Looney Tunes references. Can we cast an actor that looks like Elmer Fudd? No? there is this lactating hooker with a heart of gold that is going to be the love interest/wet nurse for the baby. Her name is DQ. Get it? GET IT? I know...brilliant huh? And then Mr Smith shoots lots of people. LOTS OF PEOPLE! In one scene, he is going to be shooting people while skydiving. There will be lots of shooting and people dying by shooting. In LUDICROUS ways. BANG BANG! Its going to be AWESOME! AWESOME!"
But let me tell you...I had a BLAST. Pun totally intended.

MANY people will hate this movie. It is completely violent to the extreme, Clive Owen is NOT naked which sucks, and it is almost completely without plot. But if you want to go and shut off your brain, listen to some good heavy metal music, laugh and see things go BANG...this is SO THE MOVIE FOR YOU!

Four guns up out of five.


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