As I have mentioned, I am getting hitched in August. Part of the wedding planning involves eating better for both the fiance and I as our pictures are being taken and all of our closest friends will be staring at us. We need to look hot. I don't know what he's worried about-the man is a clothes hanger-he looks good in anything. I however am blessed with curves. I have no problem with the curves-it just means that if I don't eat well, the curves grow in ways I am not comfortable with.
We have been eating reasonably healthy (I am beginning to fear lettuce), but lately, I have been having IRRATIONAL cravings. Not preggo cravings, trust me. The goalie is FIRMLY in place and is blocking all shots. I just REALLY want chocolate. I feel gross once I eat it as I am still battling a bit of stomach flu, but I eat it nonetheless.
Perhaps I am a victim of subliminal advertising. It IS easter season...time for that evil and tempting delight...the Cadbury's Easter Creme egg...
Yes, I know they are disgusting. Who KNOWS what goes in the filling, but DAMN those things are good... Sigh...
If only chocolate helped you LOSE weight...THAT would be magic!!!!!
Hey Sasskitty! Your ass looks fantastic in those pants! Are they new?
Why yes they are oh fabulous coworker of mine! They are from Joe, designed by Joe Mimran, the guy behind Alfred Sung, Club Monaco and Caban who now does trendy affordable clothing for the Great Canadian Superstore a la Issac Mizrahi and Target. AND they were only NINETEEN DOLLARS!
I think this is insane ! I can't believe I spent 19 dollars on a pair of pants that make my ass look this good!
I am at sixes and sevens. I am plussed! I am all in a kafuffle.
I am, I am not ashamed to admit, a bit of a boy when it comes to sports. I love sports. I love watching sports, if I could afford it, I would have seasons tickets to football (yes, CFL), basketball (go Sonics go) and maybe hockey (yup, i am a bad Canadian...don't really like hockey, and I am a REALLY bad Vancouverite because I prefer the Calgary Flames. I will pause for hatemail to be sent. pause. And now, I will resume).
One of my FAVOURITE players of ALL TIME is Clyde "the Glide" Drexler. First off, how can you NOT love a player called Clyde the Glide? Secondly, he was an amazing player. My favourite players are always the point guards (John Stockton, Clyde Drexler, Steve Nash, Gary Payton, Magic Johnson)-not usually the big point scorers, but they really drive the game as the playmakers. I was a power forward due to my height-I was never speedy or sneaky enough to be a point guard, but I always admire them.
In an alarming turn of events, Clyde "the Glide" Drexler is doing a turn on Dancing with the Stars.
OH CLYDE! SAY IT ISN'T SO!!!
Don't get me wrong. I fully intend to watch it and cringe at the badness of Heather Mills, Ian Ziering, Joey Fatone and Billy Ray Cyrus as they shake their achy breaky booty across the floor...but CLYDE? WHY!
ABC always finds a few sports stars to pad the roster, and they always do well. Emmit Smith won last year (poor Mario Lopez...he was robbed) and Jerry Rice came in second the year before. This year, Clyde will be gliding his way across the floor AND he will be joined by Apolo Ohno.
It is very wrong of me, but at this moment I am overjoyed and filled with glee.
I realize that it is quite petty. I am not PROUD of this by any stretch. In fact, I am slightly embarrassed by how overwhelmed I am with delight at the moment. I am giggling in my chair as I write this...
I have just discovered that my stalker ex boyfriend is married to a girl whose nickname was...
Last night I came upon "Dodgeball" on TV. This movie makes me so happy as its just so...well...stupid, but in a good way.
I appreciate how the actors FLING themselves into their roles and are obviously having a great time with their performances. Jason Bateman kills me in this movie, William Shatner rocks my socks and David Hasslehoff in his cameo as the German Dodgeball Coach is magic.
I think the best thing about it is that NONE of the actors in the movie are taking themselves seriously. Bill and Dave know that they are taking the shit out of themselves with their performances, and they are embracing it. Yes, they may not be the next Robert DeNiro (who REALLY needs to find a good movie to be in-I have high hopes for Stardust, but Bobby D has NOT been choosing well at all!), but they certainly have a good time and understand that they are entertainers, not brain surgeons.
I had an audition this weekend for Zastrozzi, which is one of my favourite plays. I trudged through the rain, sleet and generally NASTY Vancouver weather to reach the audition. It was in a fabulous little studio space in Gastown-I never knew it was there, but how GREAT it was!
I was greeted by a myriad of "actors". Oh how I HATE "actors". Men in cropped Lululemon pants and skin tight shirts hyperventilating and expressing how they are having problems "dropping in their breath". Women looking self important and screeching "mee mee mee" at the top of their lungs. Most of them looking like they were about to participate in the MOST important thing EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!!! Because they are ACTORS! Serious bastards...
And the accents...whoa the accents.
Zastrozzi is subtitled "the master discipline" and it takes place in Europe. Apparently this subtitle gives people free reign to expound in bad accents in order to get into character. Specifically, Russian accents. Apparently being a master of discipline means you are Russian. Even though Zastrozzi is German.
Dear god in heaven.
I'll admit...I need to warm up more before auditions/performances etc. I am not as young as I used to be, and my body IS my tool, so I should respect it more. But I also do this because I enjoy it-its fun, I'm good at it, and I love being the centre of attention. Yes, some actors don't like that last part, but for the most part, we are all attention grabbing sluts who get off on being on centre stage (or in a close up shot or whatever). The amount of actors who think that they are "the shit" however astounds me. The belief that they are acting as a service to the planet, because they are better than the rest of the plebs in the world is prevalent and alarming to me.
A memo to all actors out there!
We are being paid to play make believe. ITS FUN! ENJOY IT! REVEL IN IT! You are an actor-the best job in the world. HOWEVER when you act like a poncy actor, you look like an idiot and guaranteed there is someone in the room-a fellow actor perhaps- perhaps a blonde one snorting behind her hand-that wants to beat you to death with Uta Hagen.
One of my new favourite blogs is "The Evil Beet". This is for many reasons.
1. They are called the Evil Beet. I like beets, but I love this name even more! 2. Brilliant, and I do mean brilliant American Idol recaps. 3. Today's post has Gerald Butler in nothing but swim trunks. Praise the lord for hot men like Gerard Butler and Daniel Craig in swim trunks.
First off, the Ford Videos...WHAT? Float on by Modest Mouse? I haven't stopped sputtering since then. The fiance thought I was choking on my quesadilla when it came on. This is one of my FAVOURITE songs! WHY MUST IT BE SUNG BY AMERICAN IDOL CONTESTANTS? And the video itself? Oh my...well...I just can't . Lets just say upsetting afros and leave it at that.
Here is the original video to Float On...that should undo some of the damage.
In addition to the Ford Videos and their heinousness, there is always someone on that show that stays for way too long that makes me want to beat the TV into a bloody pulp.
This year, that person would be Sanjaya Malakar.
I want to slap him silly.
He's just awful. He has the personality of tofu. And he is a CHILD! Send him home! Stop letting horny 12 year old girls vote! Stop the madness!
It is because of him that my early favourite Sundance was kicked off (okay, I liked him because he was huge and named Sundance. He could sing too, but HELLO! SUNDANCE? How fun is THAT!).
This week, poor Brandon, who could actually SING got the boot. AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
This means another week of listening to this insipid child whine his songs.
Here is what "the Beet" has to say about him...
Oh good, Sanjaya. Man, I just plain old hate him. I’m sorry. Why is he still here? Diana Ross hates him too, and that makes me happy. You can tell she’s kind of like “Why am I spending my time with this talentless hack?” Sanjaya hits the stage and — OH MY GOD HIS HAIR IS IN RINGLETS!!! HE LOOKS LIKE CURLY SUE!! — proceeds to whisper the words to “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” with about the same amount of enthusiasm I tend to dedicate to urination. WHY IS THIS KID STILL HERE? OMG I hate him. Randy’s laughing it sucked so hard. He can’t stop laughing. Paula then explodes into a series of words I recognize as belonging to the category of “English,” but beyond that I can’t make heads or tails of them. Okay, so Simon’s like “When you hear a wail in Beverly Hills, that is where Diana Ross is watching this show,” and everyone is completely and utterly confused because they think he said “whale” instead of “wail” and it takes them a long time to sort it out, but eventually they start booing, because Sanjaya has curly hair and so they love him. Ultimately, 17-year-old Sanjaya has completely failed Homonyms 101, because Simon has to explain that he meant Diana Ross will “scream,” because one of the producers whispered into his ear piece that Americans don’t have anything bordering on an acceptable public education system. Then, because what if the horse isn’t dead yet?, Ryan talks about the “marine biology” whale versus the one Simon was talking about. Key takeaway: Diana Ross, no one is calling you a whale.
I really shouldn't care, but for me, what it comes down to is that EVENTUALLY I will hear the single of the person who wins on the radio. I would like that single to at least be okay enough that I don't have a seizure before I change the song. Carrie Underwood makes me twitch (Jesus PLEASE give her back the wheel. I know a Canadian wrote this song. It doesn't make it right). Ruben is a GIANT goober, Fantastia has become non existent and don't even get me STARTED about Clay. Taylor had good potential, but is spiralling into the depths of Adult Easy Listening Hell and the term Soul Patrol needs to be STRIPPED from the English vernacular. Kelly Clarkson is doing alright for herself though-go Kelly go! (on a side note, who the HELL does their websites. Hard to say which was worse...I may have to go with Ruben's. Anyhow, they need to be stopped too.)
As I have mentioned, I am getting hitched in August. Part of the wedding planning involves eating better for both the fiance and I as our pictures are being taken and all of our closest friends will be staring at us. We need to look hot. I don't know what he's worried about-the man is a clothes hanger-he looks good in anything. I however am blessed with curves. I have no problem with the curves-it just means that if I don't eat well, the curves grow in ways I am not comfortable with.
Yes, I know they are disgusting. Who KNOWS what goes in the filling, but DAMN those things are good...
