Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Miss Manner's guide to tranist Chapter 2

A further letter to the girls on the skytrain,

Dear dancing fools,

I understand that you are young and exuberant. Good on you. Get it out of your system now, because trust me, when you creep into your thirties, you will decide that morning calisthenics are a colossal waste of time that can be better spent mainlining coffee. Or sleeping.

While I appreciate your exuberance, I DO NOT under any circumstances appreciate your dance routines with accompanying singing performed in the middle of the skytrain at 8:15 am.

Especially when it is line dancing.

I was quite confused by your choice of dancing. And singing. If you can call it singing. None of you are Beyonce, let me tell you. Your singing was alarming-even for country music. No matter how loud I turned up my "ican'tbelieveitssosmall" player and the kick ass tones of Serena Ryder, I could STILL hear you all screeching Kenny Chesney. I think it was Kenny Chesney. At least, that's what you all kept yelling.

You just don't LOOK like country music fans. From the 2 foot high mohawk to the endless belly button exposure, none of you were overly "country". Or wholesome. Or clean. But I digress.

My point, through all this rambling, is that your fellow commuters, and there were many of us and we ALL looked unhappy about the scene you were creating, don't need or want to see or hear you. You suck at dancing, you suck at singing, and you all have the fashion sense of...well...I don't know. I was just too freaking tired to come up with an appropriate metaphor for your fashion sense because it was EIGHT FIFTEEN AM! Not early by most standards, but early by mine. Lets just say it sucked too and be done with it.

I understand that you are teenagers and come with a predisposed "dude, I SO don't care what you think about me...well really I do, but I don't want YOU to know that" attitude and you feel that that attitude gives you the right to inflict your horrid performance on the rest of us. Twerps.

I place a curse on you, you acne ladened little beasties. One day, one fateful day, you too will be old like me and you will be on some form of rapid transit and an offensive little trog of a teenager will do something loud, heinous and obnoxious infront of you and suddenly, you will be overwhelmed with embarrassment because you will realize that you were once one of them. One of those odious, obnoxious, LOUD scourges of humanity. That embarrassment will haunt you the rest of your days, causing you endless grief and torment.

mwa ha ha ha ha...

The angry blonde in the back seat, on behalf of the 8:15 Edmonds to New West skytrain.

perhaps I should drink more coffee in the mornings. maybe that would prevent outbursts like these...


hot-lunch said...

i am SO glad i walk to work!

sasskitty said...

Yes...I would too...but it would take WAY too long and I would have no interesting stories to regale people with.