Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Resolution # 2- Fight the fat and cleanse the soul

So, as I do every year, I resolved at 12:01 am, January 1, 2007 that THIS would be the year that I eat healthier and lose those ever present 10 lbs of evil that live on my ass. I view this resolution as an old friend...I see it every January and we hang out together for a month or two, and then I hear grilled cheese sandwiches and fries calling my name and the resolution and I bid adieu until next year.

"THIS YEAR WILL BE DIFFERENT", I scream to the gods, "This year I will raise the sword of good health and smite you oh ass fat from Hell!"

The gods have yet to respond. I think they may be hedging their bets. Historically, I have done ALOT of yelling at the gods, only to be thwarted by the previously mentioned grilled cheese sandwich.

This year I have an added incentive...I am getting married in August. How is THAT for added pressure. Nothing like a little off-white wedding to kick a girl in the pants.

My first step in "Operation Hotter than Hell by August" has been to undertake a cleanse to remove all the booze, cheese and generally nasty items that i have consumed over the last few months. In fact, I consumed MOST of those the week before I started the cleanse-I figured I needed to make sure I had something there to cleanse. I belive it pays to plan ahead.

Enter the Wild Rose Herbal D-Tox. On this 12 day detoxification program I consume some pretty standard foods (un-processed, organic, no dairy, wheat, sugars or fermented foods) complimented by an assortment of accurately and disgustingly named supplements like Biliherb, Laxaherb and Cleansaherb which "gently" (ha ha) promote bile production by the liver, support digestion and enhance the cleansing and elimination of toxins and wastes from the system.

Dear God.

I think I have eliminated gum I swallowed when I was 5. I may have eliminated my spleen. I am going to have one CLEAN system in a short 8 days from now...WOW! Another added bonus is apparently my breath smells. Nice. What next...adult acne?

I can't believe people choose to do this to themselves for longer than 12 days. Crazy bastards.

I can hear the cheese already calling my name...

2 comments:

hot-lunch said...

excellent post!!! welcome back to the world of blog and best of luck on Operation Hotter Than Hell by August !

sasskitty said...

Thank you HL! As always, you are my inspiration:)