Friday, January 12, 2007

Seeing stars-Renee Zellweger

Renee Zellweger bugs me.

There are several EXTREMELY good reasons for this.

  1. Her name is dumb.
  2. She added an accent to her name partway through her career a la Larry Fishburne becoming Lawrence Fishburne. Puleeeze.
  3. Her pouty squinty face.
  4. Her freakishly large head.
  5. She complained about gaining weight Bridget Jones ( we ALL know she looked better with tits than without). Actors are NOT allowed to complain about things like that. She got paid MILLIONS to eat donuts. BITE ME RENEE!!
  6. She has an Oscar.
  7. She keeps getting cast as a Brit in movies where the REST of the cast is actually from the UK. She's from TEXAS for God's sake! The UK produce some of the world's finest actors...hire one of them! Or even better...hire a least we can pull off the accent without sounding like we ate 48 lemons.
  8. She stole my career. I am convinced I would have been hired for all of her roles if not for her. I admit, I didn't audition for them, but I am still convinced its her fault.
Seriously...I truly despise her. I avoid movies with her in it. Jerry McGuire? Missed it. Cold Mountain? Nope. Chicago...nope...and I LOVE musicals! I did see both Bridgets, but come on...what 30 ish woman didn't? We'd get kicked out of the club if we didn't see the Bridgets.

So it is with great and unabashed pleasure that I direct you to a review that tickles me to my very soul...

Welcome to Pajiba.

Pajiba describes itself (well, it doesn't describe itself...I am sure it has people for that) as producing "Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People".

Imagine my delight when I read one of their writer's John William's review of Ms Potter.

I quote...

[...] those subjects wouldn’t allow me to discourse on this movie’s most perplexing and insurmountable problem, an annoyance that demands our urgent attention: RenĂ©e Zellweger ‘s face.

I’ve often marveled at Zellweger’s ability to be far less irritating in her movie roles than she is in real life — on Letterman or Leno’s couch, say, where she always looks like she just sent a Gummy Bear down the wrong pipe. But here, from the opening bell, she’s in fully pinched mode. Her mouth is a constantly contorted, self-consciously scrunched-up thing, and I’m going to have nightmares about it for weeks. This is not a shallow complaint about her beauty or lack thereof. It’s a complaint about her … Zellwegerness.[...]

tee hee hee!

I think I love John Williams...he may have just gotten space on my "freebie five"

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