Friday, January 19, 2007

SQUEEEZE the lemon!

When I was at theatre school my professors ranged from the ridiculous to the sublime. Far out on the ridiculous scale was one that I called "Ol' Crotch Beard" or OCB (kind of like Ol' Dirty Bastard, or ODB, but without the jail time...and...well... the deadness). Actually, it wasn't just me who called him that. We all did, as...well...his beard smelled...kind of like one would think an old crotch would. Gross, but accurate. I defy ANY of you to get that thought out of your head today.

ANYHOOOOO, OCB was very British and used to regale us with stories of his youth when he attended Bristol Old Vic back in the day. He would huff and puff, call us all "gorgeous" and "dear heart" while scratching his elbow and looking wise. He wore a mysterious and mystical avocado pit around his neck and would profess words of obscure theatrical wisdom to us that haunt me to this day.

One of the stories he told us was of his voice teacher Ol' German Guy, or OGG. OGG instructed his students that when performing on stage, they needed to imagine that they were holding a lemon between their ass cheeks, and if they needed an extra burst of energy, volume or "je ne sais quoi" they needed to...(imagine OCB, very British, screaming in a german accent)...


Apparently, pouty squinty face here had the same prof!
Shout out to Go Fug Yourself for the brilliant commentary on Renee's alarming face.


matty said...

...she always reminded me a bit of a blow fish. And, I bet she is a bit poison-filled, too!

matty said... know, I did not know this teacher of yours. However, I think I got a similar lesson but I must have misunderstood. I thought I was pretending to hold a lemon in between my ass cheeks to make me appear more cool. hmmm...

How did you guys get close enough to smell his crotch-y beard or was the scent that strong.

I am quite proud to say I've never worn an avocado. But who is to say I might not start tomorrow. One never knows.


sasskitty said...

Honestly, the scent was THAT STRONG!


Also, it was theatre school. Personal space is a luxury in theatre school.